Well yesterday didn’t go as planned, I did finish work at 1pm but I went home and crashed out on the sofa. I was so exhausted that I just needed that hours rest before picking up my daughter and putting my mum hat back on. It was quite nice because the Mr had finished work too so that was both of us crashed out.
We continued the night with a dip in the hot tub, bbq and a warm up in the sauna (we’re not rich far from it, the Mr is an impulse buyer) then off to chill in bed.
On to telling it how it is! So how often do you actually tell people exactly what you think or how you’re feeling? For me I never did because I’d worry I may upset someone or that it may change the way people view me however over the last few months I’ve changed. I don’t know what has changed within me but something has. The last few weeks I have began to tell people 1. How I feel 2. What I’m thinking and 3. If they’ve upset me or made me happy.
This has caused some positive but also negative reactions. That saying if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything, I’ve pretty much lived by this all my life but I have got to a point where I’ve been bottling so much up I snapped. I’ve told at least one person exactly what I think of them (you’ll see in my next blog who this is) and by god did it make me feel better, it also showed me that I really don’t need a toxic person like that in my life.
When? Why? And how? Do we get to that point that we really honestly don’t care what people think? My daughters great nanny N is like this and so was my great nan b, is it an age thing? Or is it just the amount of s@&t you’ve taken that you finally break?
That all said there’s still things I keep to myself and sugar coat for example; my daughter I love her dearly however yesterday she went to school upset (I hate it when that happens, it’s not often she goes to school upset, but it does happen on rare occasions) I’d just like to make a few points on our morning yesterday:
1, she got dressed very well and quickly well in advance to leave but then got back into bed and refused to get out for 30 minutes
2, she refused to brush her teeth
3, she decided she wasn’t happy with what she had for her packed lunch and wanted to change it bang on leaving time
4, as we we’re leaving the house (late already) she runs back in empties her water bottle and takes at least 5 minutes filling it up with juice after she’d been told no.
I’ve only listed a few things. Now she’s not usually like this but we had a slightly late night the night before. To be honest she was just being an arse (which we all are from time to time) but it got to the point where I just had to tell her I was leaving with or without her (I’d never leave without her but I couldn’t get her out of the door) we get to school and although she’s cheered up she’s still teary, I say to the teacher “oh she’s a bit tired” when in all honesty I just want to say she’s being a moody arse this morning and beware she might have your fingers off.
I drop her off get in the car and I feel that dreaded pit in the bottom of my stomach, its the mum guilt and I feel sick with worry that I’ve set her up to have a bad day all because I didn’t want us to be late.
Now I know she’s a diva, I’ve created that and I justify it to myself that I waited 10 long years to have her. I want her to be happy and know her own mind but by god do I pay for it. Then I think to myself why can’t I tell the teacher she’s being an arse, we all are at times and if it was the other half behaving in a similar way before leaving for work I’d happily tell my boss I’m late because he was being an arse, but we can’t say that about our angelic children for fear of what exactly? I’m sure the teachers would just like us to be honest so they know what lays ahead for them. Or would they? Would they judge me like perfect parent Jane who’s child is the embodiment of god’s ultimate creation would? Either way I don’t think I’m brave enough to risk it quite yet.
Coffeebreakgal 