Omg my daughter yesterday morning, Saturdays she has gym now it doesn’t start until 11am so we still have plenty of time to get ready. Or at least you’d think we have. Well yesterday she left the house in odd socks walking down the street to the car with one shoe on and one off. I couldn’t help hanging back behind her giggling to myself.
Did the usual shop round town, maccy d’s (which reminds me I have a double cheeseburger I need to burn off this week) We had window seats in maccy ds they were playing little mix, que me and daughter dancing and singing in our chairs (dreading the time she becomes embarrassed of this)
Anyway moving on………………
So how many of your men have girl-friends?
My Mr has few close friends and one of them is a woman. He met this woman around 3 years ago and to be completely honest and up front I’ve always had an issue with their friendship. Not because she’s a woman but because us women see things men don’t and I knew from the start this woman had a thing for my man.
This friendship has grown and they’ve become close friends, at one point we would all go out together me the Mr our daughter, the woman and her on and off again boyfriend. I got on with her boyfriend from the start but wouldn’t say we’re close. As their friendship progressed by Mr encouraged me to become closer friends with the woman. Against my better judgement I tried (I really did try) to build a friendship with her. I’d find her making excuses though to not do the things we’d planned, she was too busy, had too much on ect. Then she stopped responding to my messages at a crucial time that I really needed a friend and I thought she may step up. Unfortunately she didn’t. Yet she was always available to message my Mr and see him.
It was then I realised that her intentions were exactly what I thought from the start. Of course the insecure side of me started running wild. At the end of the day after 19 years relationships become stale, mundane and you no longer have that thrill of a new relationship. The Mr and I argued over their friendship too many times to count over the years but especially in the past few months.
Then something clicked inside of me and I told him this isn’t the relationship I want, he agreed he didn’t want the arguments either. I don’t want to be that woman that tells her man he can’t have female friends, yes it would be nice if the friendship could include me but there is no chance with this woman at all now. But that doesn’t mean I have the right to tell him to stop speaking to her or seeing her. After all if he didn’t want me he wouldn’t be here would he? Especially as I’d already given him an out.
Rightly or wrongly I then decided in a drunken haze that I needed to tell this woman exactly what I thought of her. Now I could have just left it but I felt betrayed by her, I’d welcomed her into my circle and all along she had no intention of being my friend, this had became evident over the years but particularly the last few months. Did I choose the right words, probably not and the next morning I was a little concerned and embarrassed I’d stooped to that level but you know what as the day went on I felt really good about it and it felt good that I had finally let that out. And the thing that really hit the nail on the head, she never even responded. So there you go, I’ve now been able to move on.
After all this we spoke at lengths about what we both need from each other and I have to say his trying harder than I am if I’m honest. This is giving me the incentive to make that move and try harder too.
I’m working on myself and my insecurities, the reasons for these and rationalising them rather than over thinking them. While I sat in the sauna Friday evening watching my Mr in the hot tub with our daughter dancing and singing along with her I saw that I have everything I ever wanted. (And while I had this moment of ultimate love for him as a father and my partner, our dogs started humping right there infront of the sauna. It’s almost like they could feel the love, resulting in me banging on the sauna door telling them to quit it)
Friday night tied in everything for me, us all eating as a family including the 19 year old too which is a rarity. It gave me a new out look and a new confidence in our relationship than I’ve have for a very long time. I knew then that over the last 19 years he could have walked away at any point and he hasn’t his been there right by my side through the good and the bad. We don’t always see eye to eye and we have very different views on everything in life. But it would be boring if we both liked everything the same, had the same ideas and agreed on everything. Where would the fun be in that!
Over the last three years I’ve been insecure and paranoid, it’s vile when this controls your head. I’ve read forums, sought advice from other people, you name it I googled it and it was only my sister (the baby sister) that actually spoke sense. I believe this is because she wants me to be happy, she’s not the type of person to revel in drama and other people’s misery. She’s genuinely a loving person to everyone around her and wants the best for everyone (she’d soon tell me if she didn’t like him and I could do better if that’s what she genuinely thought) she also views people separately and evaluates them as a person, not judging everyone by the same standards of others.
My point in this is don’t always listen to other people, not everyone wants to see you happy. Not only that but only you know your man and whether you can trust him or not. There are times that I questioned this so so so many times over the last three years and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that we both need to be happy and free to do as we wish to be able to trust.
On that note I’ve booked the babysitter for a few weeks time to watch our daughter so we can have a very rare night just us two. I’m so excited I’ve even bought a new dress.
Coffeebreakgal 